Lessons for Living

Let’s slow down for a few minutes, sit comfortably, roll your shoulders back, sit with a straight and neutral spine. Now take a few slow, deep breaths through your nose. Feel your chest rising and falling, feel yourself releasing any tension that you find, be it a frown, a clenched jaw, tight shoulders, all the way down to your feet…release.

If you feel adventurous… instead of breathing into your chest, breathe deeply into your belly, feel it expand and contract with each inhalation and exhalation.

Continue for as long as you need.

Now that we are centered, I want to talk to you—whether you are 30, 67, 80 or beyond as the person you are right now.

The View from the Deep

Imagine a world that is fully covered in water... Imagine being a wave on that ocean. In our younger years, we are the surface waves, noisy, crashing, driven by the wind, obsessed with speed and change and growth. We thought that the crashing of our 'wave' was the point of life.

Whether you are 30 or 85, you are moving deeper. While the surface is chaotic, the depth is calm. You’ve survived some of life's storms, the changing currents (which sometimes feels more like an endless riptide).

I recently dove into 30 Lessons for Living by Dr. Karl Pillemer and his insights on the Mel Robbins podcast. Pillemer didn't ask youth for advice as is the habit of our 'influencer-based society'; he asked the experts—over 1,000 older Americans who have lived through it all.

Every one of us is becoming an Expert while we're also still on life's journey. We aren't done yet, we are getting to the good part, the part that turns the caterpillar into a butterfly, the crashing wave becomes the calm ocean.

Below are the lessons learn, the cheat sheet for the rest of our beautiful, blessed journey:

30 Lessons for Living (Tried & True)

These lessons are the "truth" that cuts through the noise.

I. Great Together: Lessons for a Happy Relationship

1. Marry someone a lot like you. (Shared values are what keep you from killing each other over the thermostat setting).

2. Friendship is as important as romantic love. (Lust fades. Being able to laugh at the absurdity of aging together is forever).

3. Don't keep score. (If you've been married 20 years, the score is lost anyway. Just be on the same team).

4. Talk to each other. (Silence is the only thing louder than yelling).

5. Don't just commit to your partner, commit to marriage itself. (It’s the vessel that carries you through the rough seas).

II. Glad to Get Up in the Morning: Lessons for a Fulfilling Career

6. Choose a career for intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones. (Your tombstone won't list your salary).

7. Don't give up looking for a job that makes you happy. (It is never too late to pivot. Colonel Sanders started KFC at 65. Just saying).

8. Make the most of a bad job. (If you need the health insurance, find the silver lining until you can leave).

9. Emotional intelligence trumps every other kind. (Being the smartest jerk in the room is a lonely existence).

10. Everyone needs autonomy. (We valued freedom in our 20s; we demand it in our 60s).

III. Nobody's Perfect: Lessons for a Lifetime of Parenting

11. It's all about time. (Your adult kids don't want your money; they want a phone call where you actually listen).

12. It's normal to have favorites, but never show it. (You know who they are. They know who they are. Keep pretending otherwise).

13. Don't hit your kids. (Cycle breaking stops with us).

14. Avoid a rift at all costs. (Life is too short for estrangement. Be the bigger person, even if you are right).

15. Take a lifelong view of relationships with children. (Parenting doesn't stop at 18; it just changes from "manager" to "consultant").

IV. Find the Magic: Lessons for Aging Fearlessly and Well

16. Being old is much better than you think. (The data shows happiness curves up after 50. We stopped sweating the small stuff).

17. Act now like you will need your body for a hundred years. (Use it or lose it. Walk, stretch, move!).

18. Don't worry about dying. (The Experts say the fear vanishes. Focus on living).

19. Stay connected. (Isolation is the enemy. Call your friends. Join a walking group).

20. Plan ahead about where you will live. (Do it now, while you are sharp, so your kids don't have to guess later).

V. I Can Look Everyone in the Eye: Lessons for Living Without Regrets

21. Always be honest. (We are too old to remember lies).

22. Say yes to opportunities. (Why not? What have you got to lose?)

23. Travel more. (Go while the knees still work. If the knees don't work, go anyway and sit in a nice cafe).

24. Choose a mate with extreme care. (If you are dating again, trust your gut. You’ve earned that wisdom).

25. Say it now. (I love you. I forgive you. I’m sorry. Say it today).

VI. Choose Happiness: Lessons for Living Like an Expert

26. Time is of the essence. (We feel this more than anyone. Don't waste a minute).

27. Happiness is a choice, not a condition. (You can be happy with a bad hip. You can be miserable with a perfect one. Choose happy).

28. Time spent worrying is time wasted. (The #1 regret. Stop worrying about things that haven't happened).

29. Think small. (The perfect cup of tea. The grandkid's laugh. The sun on your face. That is the good stuff).

30. Have faith. (The universe/God is made of healing energy and unconditional love).

These aren't impossible to start at any age, start now, start confidently.

Activity for this week: Pick at least one item from the list above. Maybe it's "Say it now." Maybe it's "Travel more." Pick one and action it it this week.